I’m back in Leicester for my final year of law school. I guess I should be excited but I don’t know. Although I am glad that the workload is much more than last year and the readings will be keeping me busy, I still do not have that urge, that rush to be excited that I’m learning something I love.
Maybe that is what’s wrong with our generation? We are so attacked with excited with Facebook, and Twitter and entertainment that I am expecting that this will entertain me somehow. I feel like I am passion-less in this journey to become an ‘adult’. My friends often say if I don’t like it, then why not change it to something I do. I am stuck there again as well. I can’t think of anything that gets me going. I am happy to be back. My friends here are great and the experience of residence halls is much better but I sit in class zoning out. And its only the first week of classes!
As I sit here, in my room for the year and look out my window to that night view of Leicester. For a moment I am transported to another land. I really could be anywhere. I could be back home in Toronto, living in a suburban neighbourhood. Or I could be in India somewhere metropolitan. The cars going by during the midnight hours. I guess this is why I love being by urban centres. No matter what country your in, the lights, the buildings, the zooming of the engines, at night. I could be anywhere. Yet, I am nowhere. I wonder, if this is the lost feeling that people try to fill in their hearts. Constantly searching for something, that one thing that gave us so much excitement as children. Maybe that was our innocence?
I never really considered or entertained the idea that I may have burned out, but maybe I am. Maybe this is where, I take off with nary a thought, sipping tea in seduced cafes blossoming into a people-watcher. I noticed that I ponder of the ‘maybes’ and ‘guess if’ a lot. I must betray my ambitions too much. Maybe this is punishment? My fear of the unknown might be my biggest battle that has yet to be decided.