Do you ever sit there and daydream of what kind of life you would have in the future?
I sometimes doze off and so far, I have come up with have 2 dogs, names Mirchi and Fernando, and a lamb named Gloria.
Mirchi is gonna be this really cute lil’ baddie, I just know it! A miniature Schnauzer is what this baby’s gonna be. Fernando is gonna be a Rottweiler who is gonna be the cutest and sweetest thing since ice cones 😀 As for Gloria, well, the baby lamb speaks for herself 🙂 She’s gonna be uber adorbs. Of course, when you tell your mother this, she’s gonna ask where are the hubby and kids. Obvs that’s what the puppies and lamb is for LOL she proceeded to get very anxious about my life choices and future plans lol oh desi mums.
I don’t have any real memory of taking care of an animal, and last I checked, I’m still somewhat scared of dogs. Cats I’m strangely okay with, since I can poke them and they just look at you back. But I wanna be a pet person, I feel like I could be quite adventurous with them. However, the downside is, that my travelling plans would probably have to accommodate these buddies or have to look into having someone look after them. That would be a bummer.
I prefer to be a free spirit in all senses of the word, so having something tie me down is annoying. I guess it’s kinda of a bad trait, since I’m a young South Asian female and am expected to settle down in the future with a family. To have ideas of being independent with no ‘real’ responsibilities of sorts would probably come off as super rebellious and against the norm, since every aunty/uncle asks you when do you plan to tie the knot even though you may still be in school and for some reason they only see your age, and not what stage in life you are. That is def frustrating. ‘Cause if I wanted to settle down, I would have done so after finishing my undergraduate degree.
There are other women I know that are my age and are settled down. They are married and some even have children/pregnant. It can’t be helped that the career path they choose didn’t require long periods of education and could enter the workforce earlier. Not that I’m complaining. I mean med students have it the worst, since some of these ladies don’t finish until they are well into their mid to late 20s. If family planning is on their mind, you can imagine some just have them during their educational period. Which is cool and all. But I prefer to be fully dedicated to one period of life-thingy at a time. I really would not want to mix up my studying period with settling down. I know some people who do it amazing, but to me, I would feel limited and almost constrained. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the perks of both these wonderful phases of life if I was struggling with balancing both of them. I barely manage to balance my meal plan with my daily goals. I’m pretty much a baby 😛 -_-
It’s no wonder that I only see me, myself and I living it up with some: yoga, having fabulous dinner parties, making smoothies, drinking tea as I water the flowers and going on adventures with my friends. Maybe I am too independent and should be more softer? hmm
I blame the life expectancy on this phenomenon/ideology. Could you imagine if life expectancy was like a 1000 years or something? Our youth/child-bearing years would be longer so the mothers of the world would stop being on your case to find someone, and you could spend more time throwing yourself into all the small/medium/big projects that you wanted, rather than deciding what was the best way to crunch everything in under 80 years?
Maybe this is why we’re obsessed with social media. We want to live out all other possibilities of our life as fast/much as we can? We want to be artistic/culinary geniuses so we have fancy filters on instagram. We want to be famous or somehow reach people and change life, so we tweet out like we are more than a single-simple human being. We attempt to make our life seem grander by show casing our life out on Facebook and having so many ‘friends’ to remind ourselves that we are living it up soo much that to keep on beyond the standard would be overkill. Having different e-mails makes us feel like we are living out different lives. I guess that’s the reason I have a ‘troll’ e-mail and another for ‘life’ ‘serious people’ ‘school’ ‘school’. Maybe we are trying to broaden our community soo much is because we know that we have an x-amount of time to amass all the things we want in life and the only way to do it, is by doing it all at once. Not doing it one-by-one, devoting ourselves to the craft at hand to the point of perfection and complete satisfaction.
Society has built up this whole notion of go for your dreams! You can achieve them all! Don’t let the sky be the limit! No wonder, the only limit left is the space on you iphone so how many apps you can have on one page, and maybe your e-mail inbox telling you that your about to exceed the max amount allowed. I wonder, if it’s because of this idea that we, or maybe our generation of the ‘i-want-everything-i-deserve-everything-so-entertain-me’ feels that we should go after all of these dreams at once.
Maybe that’s why, I have 3 accounts on Gaia, have about 5 paintings still waiting to be finished, an unfinished goldfish embroidery thing, this blog that barely gets updating, a linkedin account I use when I feel like I’m not being ambiguous enough, ‘pinning’ or ‘reblogging’ the same pretty things on Tumblr and Pinterest ’cause for some reason, they feel like 2 different worlds and I fear being excluded from something that could fulfil my dream of being super-awesome arts and craft genius. I’m subscribed to pretty much everything in hopes that ‘I want to be fit’ but still delete the e-mail any ways. I’m sure that I would finish all these projects, if I wasn’t fighting for time under the 80yr life span to plan everything from fulfilling all my academic goals, career goals, family goals, travel goals and religious goals. I’m sure others have managed to balance everything out and some people do achieve that they want. But I wonder, when will this rat race end? Are we meant to try to achieve all these dreams of having doing everything, yet pick which ones appeal the most and try to plan/do them somewhere in between it all.
Maybe that’s why we have so many profiles? We are trying to live out each dream at the same time, in the hopes that we don’t miss anything out. That we experience everything that is to be experienced. Maybe this is just a basic human response: curiosity. Our desire to know what’s out there. Maybe we are trying to discover the new frontier. The frontier being, what kind of life could we have? Could we make? I wonder if that is the root of the restlessness that makes us constantly check out facebook or twitter before going to bed and when we wake up. Our fear of not knowing the unknown. The unknown that they want to be a part of. To experience. To create. To breath and calm our curiosity. The curiosity of ‘What if’. I don’t know how others do it. They can make a decision and be so happy with it. I am in constant assessment of my decisions. Although I know I have taken the ‘right’ decisions for what I want in life and what I feel will help support it; I wonder, what about the other things I wanted to devout my life to. What of those worlds? Those frontiers which I have not yet explored? The frontiers will I feel I am entitled to but have been locked out of it, because of making the choice to forgo them. Is that why I attempt to ‘live’ them through other social media outlets.
The Internet, where anything and everything can be written. The universe within our universe. Where it doesn’t matter that I am a student, of a particular age, gender, race and bound in the time era that I am. The Internet, where I can recreate and relive all the dreams that I want. Of everything I wish to do, and create as many frontiers as I want. Create as many communities as I can, as I want.
How many ‘profiles’ are people living these days, I wonder. Gone are the days where a post-address was enough to state what ‘profile’ you are living. Now it’s about how many do you want to live up to what you need.