What have I got myself into!? Doing my law degree the first time around was amusing enough but to do it again!? As I prepare for my accreditation exams, I have to re-study the core subjects like constitution and such. Believe me, the first time around is more than enough 😦
As I try to understand what the words are forming, what their meaning is, I feel like my brain is at an all time shut down mode. This really shouldn’t be happening since I took a 2 month break from my school exams, before I cracked open the books for these exams. So I have relaxed enough for my brain to kick start its way.
What I don’t understand is, what happened to all that brain power that charged me through the last studying phases? Have I used up all my intelligence points? Or have I finally met my limit? Maybe this is why I couldn’t crack the LSAT. As depressing as that time was for me, I had believe in myself to say, no, maybe my brain just works differently than the standardized testing way. Perhaps I was fooling myself? Maybe I’m not cut out for this?
I often wonder that if I am to do this as my life-long gig, why don’t I get it?! or, shouldn’t I be good at this, even a little bit?! These thought don’t really help or guide the encouragement and support I get from my family. On one hand, I know that I’ve done this before, its just a different set of rules, on the other hand, my brain is shut down and doesn’t want to bother with it at all. While my peers have a direction in their life, I still have yet to decide whether I really want this or not. Whether I really want this lifestyle and whether I want to be a career-motivated person. Have I even been living the choices I wanted? I have made it very clear that this choice was not mine to make, but then again, I didn’t really have anything in my mind going for me. I was confused and wanted different things. Maybe I succumb to the influential people in my life? Perhaps that is my weakness, that I often look to the happiness of my beloved members than my own? I don’t know. Maybe my brain went on vacation. Maybe I’m processing everything but I just don’t understand it yet.
I’m a dory surrounded by sharks.