Recently, with the on slot of demands from my family to find someone, I met someone and have recently started talking. I met this person from a friend of a friend and lets just say that so far, most of our interaction is text-based. Now, my dating history is pretty much dead. It really is. When all friends were blooming in the first loves in high school, I was busy enacting Sailor Moon and reading comic books. When my cousin was going through her heartbreaks, I was focused on how Gohan would defeat Cell in Dragon Ball Z. As my friends found their soul mates and making life long commitments, I was deciding what nail polish to wear and where can I could get a unicorn onesie. Easy to say, I skipped the learning curve of dating and all that comes with it. It’s not that I never found anyone attractive, I have. It’s not that no one ever mentioned to me that they like me, they have. My general response to such situations was to just hid my emotions and ignore and to ignore it all. Not a good idea! Now in my 20s, I really can’t be ignoring this new game of courtship. Which brings me to this person who I am texting these days. He’s a nice guy, has his priorities straight, is cute, but I can’t help but notice his flaws which makes me want to run the other way. Is this my typical cancerian side popping again? I’m not a gambler in the least, so to sit and talk to someone in a romantic setting, it makes me nervous and just ramble on and run. Not a good idea. Not what watching years of bollywood movies have taught me! I must just shying run into the greenery as I sing a melodramatic song.
So when this person causally said: ‘hey beautiful’, I naturally put my phone down and didn’t message back for about two weeks. 😦 #fail
After the lecture from my much experienced cousin, I sent a message back saying ‘sorry, phone problems! whats up’. The poor guy thinking I had rejected him multiple times, it seems that the playful texts sent, courtesy of my cousin, did the job and the guy was back in the game. Now, the problem is, I can’t be flirty. I really can’t. Especially on text when I have yet to decide whether I really like this person or not. I find it strange to flirt with someone who I have yet to properly meet and assess whether I’m attracted to him. So the question comes down to: why not just go out on a date with him? Answer: He has yet to ask me out. I understand that by mistake I made this guy feel rejected and I should be considerate of his feelings and all, but after talking and feeling comfortable enough to send flirty messages, why can’t you just ask me out so we can meet!? In between the messages, my cousin apparently set me up to ‘bump’ into him at the mall. This is not a date. This is a causal bump into each other at the mall. I find this so not cool! If you feel confident enough to ask for my picture, why not ask for a coffee date? I would be saying yes! I’m trying not to message saying that maybe we should be meet, since protocol says, the female shall not initiate first date. Boo! For someone who looks for a reason to run, you can’t maintain my interest just by text only. Apparently this is what they call ‘playing the game’. Yeah, I have a vague understanding of the rules, but have I played this game? nope. Would I like to? not really. I don’t understand why liking someone has to be a manipulative game of control. If you like someone, you like someone. I get that I can sometimes come off as stone cold and not interested. I can’t help it if I become an introvert in these matters. Sure, I’ll dance in the middle of the lunch room with my best friend with not a care in the world, but to reply to flirty text message?! Please no! This is like the age of msn again!
Now I’m in the midst of playing this ‘game’. Apparently I’m to make him believe that I’m busy and that he’s not important to the point of teasing, which I am incapable of doing. I tend to just shut it down if I don’t want to pursue anything. And he has not messaged since his last night of ‘oh talk to me rather than do whatever it is your doing.’ To get my attention like that…no, your not impressing anyone. Looking cute gets you in the door, finding out that we have stuff in common is what makes me want to hang out with you. So far, still working on the whats in common with each other part. I don’t know. Am I going in with too many expectations, or am I be ‘too hard to get’, cause I’m just being myself. Maybe I’m comparing it to what other guys have done before to get my attention, and to be honest, they tried way more harder than this guy. I feel bad saying that but I can’t help it. This guy needs to just man it up. But I realize thats easier said than done, considering they are also putting themselves out there and in fear that we may not like them. Who knows.
Maybe my New Years resolution should be to stop being cautious and take that jump. Stop being a typical cancerian and just do it!