Cold

Sometimes, don’t movies just hit too close to the heart? I always find myself drawn to movies where the characters are a little confused about what they want to make of themselves. Like Wake Up Sid, I loved how he wasn’t ready to commit. Even though I’m on a ‘planned’ track and have a predetermined destination, it feels like there is room for me to steer my canoe off the river.

I’m probably a guidance counsellor’s nightmare, a child who still hasn’t decided what to do. The other day, I considered just simply becoming a farmer. It would be awesome. I would grow stuff, have 2 dogs, a goat, a cool pond and practice target shooting in my backyard. Before that, it was opening a desi-grocery store up in the Northern Territory as I hunt bears and chillax. I seem to hunting a lot in these. In between these two options, I wondered what it would be like to work in an ashram up in the mountains. A life devoted to caring for others. Seems too spiritual. That’s a lot of self-less-ness right there. Somewhere, in there I’m pretty sure, there was off being an artist in the South of France. Maybe retirement can look like that. agh, but my French is horrible. I had a dream I started working in retail. How lovely. -_-

Too much vibrations, in the words of a good friend of mine. Rather than being calm and devoting myself to one passion, I struggle to maintain the balance and have none. I truly admire people who are passionate about finding what makes them click. What makes them be.

I guess that is bound to happen when you think very cold. Cold in terms of hard logic. Logic says this is a worthy option for the future. Logic says this is a risk. Only calculated risks allowed. Life is cold. Waffling leads nowhere. I guess my mind wanders back to this when I get caught in the reality of cold logic.