Today, I am caught between two emotions. One of feeling prepared and completely unstressed out, and the other of fear that I am not prepared at all. After all, these are my law exams. The moment you feel that you have conquered it all, it when you set yourself up for the impending doom. Maybe it’s because indirectly I have completed my readings and tried out a sample exam question to test where I am at, and I like it. Maybe it’s my mind giving up on the idea that, you know what, the stress is too much to deal so I’m going to black out that part of your emotions. Or, my brain has realized that if she has come this far, she really can do it. That thought I have a problem with. I don’t want to get too pumped up in myself and not prepare properly.
Failure is something I just don’t deal well with. I like going in knowing that, yes, I have a chance and the odds will be in my favour. When I am reassured in myself, only then can I write exams calming and know in myself that yes, I can do it. Never mind the mental breakdown, we have a law exam to crack. It’s funny when these moments happen. I get that I have a week, exactly a week before my exams start, but I am so calm? Why. I don’t think I will ever understand the strange emotions that come with being a law student or any student that is pursuing higher education and starts to feel 5000 emotions all at once and then none at all. When we are stressed out we freak out, when we don’t feel anything we freak out. Maybe the habit of freaking out as become so natural and habitual that when we are not in the process of freaking out, we freak out.