Deciphering what you want

What do you want? You encounter this question on a daily basis on every equation. From food choices, to clothing, education, career, where to live, with whom to live, how to live. It is pretty clear that making a decision is a regular occurrence and you have accumulated substantial experience.

No matter how minute or how magnanimous this ‘want’ is, somewhere within our conscience, we know the answer. Want: the product of our inner most desire.  Desire: a product of our subconscious which is influenced by so many facets of our life that even our internet browser history cannot contain.

But what happens when you enter that space of no knowing what you want. That fog in your mind when you don’t know how to respond; whether to accept to reject the motion put before you. 

Do you take it because why lose the opportunity?

Do you reject it because you don’t want to deal with it?

How does one even begin to unravel the puzzle of what you want. I feel that as you start to grow and lay the bricks for the life you want; the moments where you are in the blind are the worst, yet often the most crucial.

The blindness makes you turn to your family members and friends for advise, who out of love say that you need to make the call. Out of desperation, you start leaving it to chance hoping a song will play on the radio that will give you a ‘sign’, or your horoscope will tell you whether to play it safe or go hard. Is meditation the key here?

Does knowing what you want sometimes require you to let it all go? I’m sure it does. You have to let go of the mental blocks you have created. You have to let go of the fences and walls that you create around you. You have to let go of the mind games that your mind places with it self. It’s startling, it’s unnerving, it’s limitless for the moment until you come down from the high.

I remember of this moment, it was on my first “travel” trip: a school trip to Costa Rica. As we hiked up this conservation area by a town I don’t even remember the name of, we came across an area where they hooked a rope on you and pushed you off the edge where you would fall and eventually pendulum till it stopped.

As a person who is scared of heights you could imagine the horror of being pushed off the edge where the drop was deep and all you could see around you was the high trees. But when you dropped and started to pendulum back and forth: it was like flying. It was as if you became weightless and nothing existed in that moment but the air, nature and you gliding into the air as free and light as a bird. 

I’d like to think that when deciding what you want is something like that. You don’t know what it is that you are missing. What it is that you require next. But the world knows. The universe knows. It sets a plan in motion where you come across experiences and people that fuel the desire for your want.

It’s hard and frustrating, since you hope that someone else could point the direction, but how can someone tell you when you already know?

After all, you did smile when you saw that message.


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