Incompetences and other justifications

Sometimes a time comes when it feels that no matter how hard you work to make sure everything sets out to be complete and proper, alas, the universe seems to conspire against you to screw you over in so many ways.

As I try so hard to complete basic work, it seems something or another is out to get me. Either I seem to be not listening, reading basic English, or just using the forsaken Microsoft word; all is not the best. These seem to highlight my incompetences and it can be very easy to get drawn into the downward spiral of negativity. When you know you live for formatting and are super crazy about, it sucks when for some reason it just isn’t working right. Sure, I might be wondering if I should check to see if Wendy’s is hiring, but that might be too extreme.

Just have to be positive and get to fixing it, hoping that it won’t get the better of you. Take that break and get to fixing it. So what if the computer is out to get you and mess up everything you remember fixing and adjusting? Brush it off and eat ice cream. So what if the supervisor decides to embarrass you on purpose to teach you a lesson? You wait until the moment you can show him that stuff like that doesn’t get the better of you and at least you are making the effort. Just write that letter to Microsoft that, hey, make your software more accessible on Apple computers! Darn you easy user ability Apple, otherwise the world would just be PCs.

In-between blues

I was reading an article over at Stroke of Midnight and it completely resonated with how I am feeling. I have completed 80% of my exams, just waiting for the results and am job hunting these days. In the last summer vacation of my life essentially, I’m in that strange floater zone of, what are you doing? Who are you? What do you want to do? What is your passion? Do you want to save the world? Do you want to be a yogi? Perhaps a bus driver?

Often, I don’t have answers to these questions nor is any finding activity helping, which leaves to me to devote too many hours to watching Community. It hasn’t helped that during this time, my birthday came and marked the mid-twenties milestone. Hurray, I’m an old dinosaur. I get that I’m pretty young in the big scheme of things, but after going to school for far too long and seeing your peers settled into long-term relationships, on the road to married, married and married with children, you slowly begin to wonder why you decided to go the way you did. Plus, the way my friends decided to celebrate my birthday made no sense to me, but at least they had fun. They took me to a bar (I don’t drink, nor do I enjoy being surrounded by drunk people) to play pool (which is pretty all right) and karaoke (they didn’t have most of the songs we wanted to do, and I have done karaoke before, and it’s not on the top of my list of things I like to. It’s one thing to sing with your friends old Bollywood songs in irony and another to sing in front of old drunk men who start dedicating songs to you), but I guess my friend (who organized it) was having a blast? Mind you, we spent the WHOLE evening there…in Toronto…in the random part of Toronto. Most of my other friends were confused why we were there since the place didn’t match my personality or my idea of a fun time. But, c’est la vie.

In an attempt to focus on the positives; I can say I have completed my formal education in a world-class university, went abroad to study law where I made amazing friends, travelled Europe and have learned enough basic level sports/activities to be ready for anything. I might have ran a marathon in there somewhere (5km) so take that physical activities! But no one can deny that this phase is the worst. These days it is spend watching movies at the theatres so many times, I’m convinced that I should get a loyalty card and maybe I should look at applying for random jobs. The other day, my friend was remarking that I should aim higher than just a receptionist position, since it would be odd to have a law graduate answering phones and booking appointments. Yet, I say, I need many experiences to find out what I like to do. In the hypothetical world? I don’t know what I would be? Maybe a municipal employee? A farmer? Until I figure it out, guess I’m sending resumes everywhere and watching some more Community, until I finish it. Then it’s Brooklyn 99.

What’s stopping me?

What’s stopping me?

oh yeah, me!

Is it the climb or the prospect of the fall?

When there are so many things that you want to do, it comes to mind where to start. Do you start with your career ambitions, social life ambitions, dream life ambition, or what? This would especially be the case when these three elements are not on the same page.

Career wise, I am an educated in law, and should be hunting for places to summer this year. Social life wise, I am a female of Panjabi origin of a suitable age who really should be dating-serious-dating someone or about to marry someone. Dream life wise, I should be living somewhere on the travel side of life, in the south of France painting, or exploring the streets of Thailand, or on a scooter whizzing past the mountains of Iceland. As for the what, I wonder what’s stopping me from learning how to drive gear #bucketlist

Where do they all come together? When do they all come together? I know that I bring them together, but how?

As a perpetual over thinker of the twenty-something age, on one hand, I understand that it takes time and patience to reach your goals, on the other hand, the notion of mortality and age remind me that life is too short and I should be reaching for all that there is to offer. Somewhat of a morbid thought, but you know you were thinking it too.

This jumpstarts my though of maybe, I should just do it all. Do the career run with a really cool Linkedin page, do the social life of finding a man to call my man-friend. While I’m at it find a way to support a life of laissez faire travel and maybe I should just book an instructor to teach me how to drive gear so I can pretend I am James Bond.

If there are 24 hours in a day, I’m sure I could coordinate more than a few hours to doing all of that. After all, I can sleep when I’m old and have my senior citizen card. This reminds me of my high school days. I use to so involved, I was actively a part of more than 10 groups, and when a friend of mine asked, ‘wow thats a lot to do’, I thought ‘not really’. Which is right, it’s not really a lot unless you feel that you are not doing a lot. When there are so many possibilities of meeting people and connecting with people that can help you achieve what you want to achieve, why not go for it.

So, here is a toast to going for it!

So tell me, what are the aspirations that you are trying to bring together? :)




Here I sit and stare.

What to do now, to look up friends with exciting lives? Those that have purpose now. To stroll through the endless content of buzz feed and twitter which has no end? Or to glamorize life through filters and lighting tricks? What to do now except stare.

Do I find a new hobby to content myself with for the next 48 hours till my boredom is found and the tedious nature of the activity dawns upon me. Or a new show to watch till the dawn of morrow.

Seeking and hoping to step into the next stage is so difficult and stagnant right now. It feels that the water has become still, it has stopped. It no longer moves, it no longer flows to the next bend, the next curve, the next turn.

Is this a lack of preparation. Is this lack of motivation or my past thoughts of enjoying the moment. Enjoy the moment so much that it traps you into a gridlock. A gridlock of what to do.

Happy June!

Happy June Everyone! I cannot believe that May has already gone by and the summer months have begun!

In reflection, May was an interesting, turbulent month. From finishing up my exams, to moving to a space of mind where I was so free that I did not know what to do with myself, to following up with my Treats. As for the results? Here you go.

So far, I am going out more! I have befriended my ever social neighbours, and now, I have gone out garden shopping to playing billiards and to a fashion shoot! OMG! That is such a drastic change from my hermit life that consumed me for almost 10 months.

Painting drawing! Yes! I started with painting birdhouses because I was unsure of my skills, and from there, yesterday, I finally started painting on paper. It was so much fun and I’m so glad that I’m making time to do this. Getting back in touch with artistic roots is so needed and its such a fun hobby! I’m even worse than I remember, but I enjoy it so why not :)

As for swimming/yoga, I am doing one! I started hot yoga with, you guessed it, my neighbour. It’s nice to have company to go with since it motivates you as well. However, today we were suppose to go to a 10am class and she has not responded. Guess I’m skipping class again. But I promise to make up for it! :D

Reading is behind, sadly. The weather is so nice that I don’t want to stay inside all cooped up. But I should make the effort again. I even picked out the 5 books I want to read, just have to start is all.

My odd projects are also a work in progress. lol.

I am also finding that my 100 days of health are somewhat turning into the 100 days of happy, which, if I think about it, are basically the same thing. :)

Hope everyones’ June is wonderful and going to be the best June ever!